Banna's Alphabet
by Handy-for-the-bus
Summary: Series of Drabbles from A to Z that I wrote and posted on Tumblr.
1. Apologise

She apologised to him that night, while he was preparing her a cup of tea. 'I'm sorry I didn't believe you,"she said, trying to hold her tears back. 'You were right about him…'

He sat down next to her in their sofa and all he could do was to hug her tight to his chest. She cried there then, as she cried so often, trying to wash away her awful feelings; horrible memories of that concert. This time she had his warmth and she didn't have to cry alone.

John kissed her hair and whispered. 'You are not the one to blame for this, love.' He hated that she humiliated herself that way. Hated that she felt guilty. She was without fault, holy, perfect, everything she did was good and kind. He wouldn't allow her to blame herself, not if he could stop it. If there was someone to blame, that someone was himself.

'I am sorry.' he cried into her soft locks. After all he was the one to fail her.


	2. Bake

The pie was in the oven, the kitchen was tidy and silence prevailed. Downstairs at least.

John had been very persuasive about both of them going upstairs to have a little chat. Anna had a condition. Only after the pie was in the oven.

The chat was ruse and she soon learned that when she felt his arms around her waist, pulling her to him. His lips were soft and his tongue wet and passionate. He was a master when it came to undressing her and she was no different with him. They fell in bed a moment later, tangled in each other's body, touching, kissing and loving. Moans and cries of pleasure echoed from their room. While downstairs it was peaceful.

When Anna found herself again, she was laying on his chest, in the comfort of his embrace, taking in the smell of their exertions. As his lips kissed her damp hair and his voice whispered words of love, she smelt something different than them.

'John! The pie!'

It was burnt. Lost. Impossible to save.

'Next time we should let Mrs Patmore bake for us.' he laughed.


	3. Courage

The bus left and she found herself alone. She breathed in before turning to look at the pub.

She had been brave before, when she told him that she loved him. And when she stood by him when everyone had doubts. When they kissed she didn't pull away even though nothing was sure yet. When they dreamed of their future she dared to make plans of her own. And even when he was leaving her with her heart in his pocket she begged him to stay, to run with her.

Her courage never failed her, but it was now shaken. Like a tree after a storm when its roots are half broken, pulled outside the dirt.

She entered the pub, it smelled of smoke. She hated it. But then she saw him and his eyes were scared by her presence. He didn't know what to think, but as he spoke she heard love in his voice, regret, hurt.

'Well, either way, it has happened.' The tree had survived the storm and its roots would find their way through the dirt once again. Her courage was there again, as strong as ever as she asked him to sit with her. He did and they both found they were still brave enough to fight. Their tree would flourish and one day it would give its fruit.


	4. Desk

John's desk was only his. His little space. No one would use it but himself. Anna wouldn't clean it or organise his letters and papers. She knew how sacred that old wooden table was to him. She respected that and she often found quite amusing how much he cared for it. Always looking for scratches or dust. Always tidying his things.

In the centre there was a picture of Anna in a beautiful silver frame that she had offered him the Christmas before. She had asked him if he would put it on his nightstand but he had shook his head and answered 'On my desk. My special woman on my special space.' She had loved his answer.

Today, when he arrived home he noticed something different about it. He looked at it and something had changed. He knew Anna would not touch his things unless she had a very urgent reason too; and when he walked towards it he understood the reason why.

There was a new picture. A picture of Anna and their little girl. Both smiling at him from the same silver frame.

She came behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle. 'Your special girls on your special place.' His desk had never been so his before.


	5. Explorer (s)

It was a beautiful afternoon. More beautiful because it was his afternoon off. It was Spring and the days were warmer and the landscape so green.

When John approached the cottage he heard giggles coming from the back of the house. He walked in and from the living room window he stared at what was happening in the backyard.

Anna was gardening, her knees sunk in the dirt but she seemed not to mind. The smile that was lighting her face was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. He heard more giggles but he couldn't see their reason.

Then suddenly, he saw little bodies crawling in the dirt giggling, between leaves and branches, and babbling incomprehensible words.

Anna laughed 'I can see you!' and John wanted to be part of it.

When they saw him the two children ran to his legs, each grabbing one. He kneeled slowly and hugged both of them. 'What are you doing?'

'Mummy is a tiger!' Said Emily, her words almost too clumsy to understand.

'Is she?' He looked at Anna and she nodded with a smile. 'And what are you, Daniel?'

'Explorers!'


	6. Father

His father had never been present. John used to hide in his room when he came home in the morning after a night spent at the pub. His mother would cry, his father would scream and humiliate. As he grew up and saw his friends having children of their own he and he would wonder if one day he would be a father too and what kind he would be. He avoided children really, he was afraid. Maybe it was in his blood. When he was married to Vera, they never conceived. He was glad. Perhaps it was nature's will. Maybe nature knew he would be a failure.

But now, as he held his baby girl in his arms for the first time he knew that nature had just been waiting for the right moment, the right woman.

Emily was perfect. She was tiny and bald. Her cheeks were chubby and she had long fingers. She had Anna's nose and his lips, and as she slept in the warmth of his arms he knew whatever happened he would do everything to protect her, to be there, and never fail her.

He would be a good Father.


	7. Grumpy

Anna has never been a morning person. She hated to waking up early for work. Hated not being able to sleep in until she woke up naturally.

On their wedding night they barely slept, so John was unprepared for this mood of hers. He knew she was more silent in the mornings and that she would take some time before joining in chats and laughs with the other servants, but he never imagined she would be this grumpy.

When the early rays of sun hit his face he was already awake, admiring her sleeping. She must have been tired, of course, after the events the past night, but either way they had to go to work, even though this was the first night they'd spent together in their cottage.

He kissed her cheek, and then her hair and was greeted with a violent turn and an almost slap across his face. Laughing as she adjusted herself with her back at him, he said good morning and no answer was heard.

'Anna, love? We need to go to work.'

'No.' she said, her voice muffled by her pillow. 'I don't want to. Ever again…'

'Anna.'

'Five more minutes, John!'

'I'm afraid your five more minutes were spent twenty minutes ago.'

She sat up and rubbed her eyes with her hands. 'John! I love you less just now.'

She was lying, and she proved that to him when she eagerly answered his kiss. She was awfully grumpy in the mornings but he loved her all the same.


	8. Honour

When he was confessing all his sins he thought that maybe they would stop haunting him. He was wrong. They had almost kissed but as much as he dreamed about it, during the day it was his sins that made his head ache.

Whenever she looked at him, whenever she laughed with others, he would wonder if now, even though he knew she still loved him, she didn't trust him any longer.

He would cry hiding because he didn't want to ruin her but it was so hard to be away from her. The need of feeling her smell, of her voice in his ears, of her shy touch on his hands was now too strong to bear.

She loved him, she told him that, and he loved her back and she knew it, and when she met him in the courtyard with a gentle smile on her face, he asked her.

'Anna, how can you still love me after all I've done. How can you trust me with all my sins?'

Feeling her hot palm against his cold cheek and sighed before she spoke. 'We all sin, Mr Bates. We all have flaws and virtues.'

'Virtues?' he smiled ironically in her hand.

'Yes. And yours most dear virtue is honour.'

They didn't kiss, there was need for that, not tonight.


	9. Impulse

He was nervous. Vera had sworn revenge. He knew she meant it. She was furious because he was back with Anna. Furious because he was making plans for the future with another woman. Furious because she had no one.

As the cold of the night hit his face, he reached for his pocket to feel the cigarette. It'd been years since he last smoked, knowing that Anna hated the habit, but tonight his nerves spoke loud. He touched the cigarette again, feeling its seductive texture. One cigarette couldn't hurt. Could it?

Bringing it to his mouth he only had time to touch it to lips before hearing her footsteps behind him.

'Mr Bates? Is that a cigarette?' He nodded, words failing him. 'I thought you had quit.'

'Me too.' He said. 'It was an impulse.'

Anna approached him slowly and took it from his hands, throwing it on the ground. 'You can always kiss me instead.'

A second later his lips were on hers and when they pulled apart in need of air he knew he would never fight against the impulse of kissing her.


	10. Journey

He had walked what for seemed like miles. His heart was aching in his chest, his suit was unbelievably heavy. His leg was bothering him and his feet felt like they were stepping in quicksand.

He tried to remember something. Surely he did something very wrong. Such fervent love doesn't vanish from one day to the other. That's not how things work. They had sworn a lifetime together, eternal passion, and all of a sudden everything crumbled before of his eyes.

Something happened. She kept telling him to stop blaming himself, that it wasn't his fault, but he didn't believe it. She could never have done anything wrong so he was the only guilty party in their story. If only she'd told him the reason why.

He looked ahead and saw the cottage. Silent and sad in the distance. Awaiting another night of anguish. He had been walking for what it seemed hours but that couldn't be right. John looked to his left. She wasn't there, his arm was empty, he was completely alone.

The journey home had never been so painfully long.


	11. Knickers

Women's clothing had always been somewhat of a mystery to John. How women would wear those things all day! Corsets, stockings, petticoats…they all seemed daunting and sometimes terribly painful. But with the modern times, came modern fashion and women's clothes had become more and more revealing, year by year.

John, of course, was glad for that, because it meant that he could have a glimpse of his wife's legs now and then during work. He didn't have to wait to get to home to see a bit of her skin anymore and that pleased him…well, the fact that other men could see what he saw too was a bit upsetting but he'd rather not to think about that.

Then, one day, he saw them. He was alone in the servant's hall waiting for Anna to come down so they could go to the village, when he saw the magazine. It was a fashion one, and although he could care less for such matters he thought that one look at it would make time move faster. When he saw them, he froze. He imagined Anna wearing them. The knickers were very short, very transparent. They were sexy and naughty. He loved them!

Two days after he ordered the item, and three weeks later they arrived. And he never in his life could have dreamed that a pair of knickers would be so interesting.


	12. Learn

'Daddy! I want to learn how to ride the bike!'

When Daniel's words left his mouth, John's heart jumped out of his chest. Since the time they'd found out they were having a baby, five years ago, John had dreamed about teaching his child the matters of life, but that of course, included riding a bike…something John had never done.

When Anna arrived home that day, she saw John's newspaper forgotten on the sofa. Looking outside through the window, there was her husband and son with the old bike that had belonged to Master George. She smiled at the sight, knowing that John had waited for this day for years.

'Now son, hold strong, and put your feet in the pedals.'

'Like this?'

'Just like that, yes. Now when I push you, you start pedaling, I'll be right here, alright?'

The little boy nodded and John just prayed for his leg not to fail him at such an important time of his life. He pushed the bike just enough and Daniel started pedaling right away and soon, with his father's help, the boy had been successful.

He giggled and shouted. "Daddy, I'm riding a bike!" John was glad for the training wheels, as the tears threatened to fall down his cheeks. He was proud.

Feeling her presence beside him, he smiled. 'He's growing up too fast.' he said. 'Imagine this! He's already riding his bike!'

'And one day,' Anna began, 'This little one will want to learn how to ride a bike as well.'

They were both smiling at the little girl in her arms, still too young for a bike, but not too young to learn how to say daddy.


	13. Melody

There were the birds, and the rushing of the river singing loudly to them. The wind was shaking the tops of the trees and the sounds of nature surrounded them.

There was the sound of her laugh and her voice. The sound that she made when her giggled caught at the back of her throat. And when he joined her and the sounds they made matched. Just as they matched in the darkness of their room.

But today, today the sun was shining above their heads and there was not a cloud in the sky. As they sat on their blanket they talked about life and their future. They ate, they drank and finally they kissed and took a quick nap in each other's arms.

He woke up with the sound of her humming going through his ears like a soft whisper of love. She laughed when she saw him awake and started singing aloud.

God, he loved Earth's melody, but nothing could compare to hers.


	14. Nurture

Their flowers and plants were beautiful, taken care with such dedication. Anna nurtured them like children, giving each one special attention. Even humming to them sometimes.

He would sit on their little bench with a book in his hands but reading was a waste of time when he could simply be admiring her.

The way her braid fell down her back and her smiled played on her features. How her small hands would cut the bad weeds and caress the rose petals. Their afternoons off were spent like this now, when the days were warm and the sky clear.

He knew this was a therapy for her, and a way to forget about all her troubles for a couple of hours. He was glad for that. Glad for this little secret garden of theirs.

He would watch her for hours if he could. Seeing her so happy there gave him hope for their future. Nurturing her flowers nurtured her spirit, and when she felt this happy, he was the happiest man in the world.


	15. Oxygen

Breathing was hard when she was near. As if her presence was somehow connected to his lungs and as soon as he saw her they would shut and he would be lost.

Lost with words and actions. Everything he did when she was in sight became clumsy and nervous. He would break into a cold sweat and his words would be trapped on his tongue and he became quiet, just admiring her instead.

Indeed she was everything to him. At the same time that she would steal his breath away, she would give him life. She was his oxygen. And he would be happy to breath her in forever.


	16. Piano

It was late and she couldn't sleep. She was sitting at the piano in the servants hall thinking about the young men who were dying in the war. William had been buried that afternoon but what she couldn't forget was his face when vicar married him and Daisy. She would never forget the look of joy and happiness on his face, a look that wouldn't last long enough.

Anna pressed a key and the sound barely echoed in the air. She would miss him.

Suddenly she felt a presence sit beside her and she knew instantly who it was. She looked up and saw his eyes gentle on her and a smile warming his features.

'I will miss him too.' he said. 'William was a nice lad. The best.'

He looked at the keys and placed his big hands on top of them.

'What do you want to hear?'

'Since when do you play, Mr Bates?'

'My mother made sure I knew how to play an instrument since I was little. She loved the piano, it was her favoutire.'

'The things I learn about you!' She smiled.

'Well…I am a very mysterious man, aren't I?'

They giggled before John insisted. 'So tell me, what do you want to hear?'

'Something happy, something William would play.'

They spent the rest of the night there, enjoying themselves at the piano, where William's spirit would be remembered forever.


	17. Quietness

Since he was a boy, John enjoyed the silence. The long hours reading, and watching the rain outside. He had always been a quiet child, even in school.

When he was in Africa that was what he missed the most. The sound of shooting, men screaming, cannons being fired was as horrible as the pain in his leg later on.

After the war, he found closure in drinking and loud places, where he could even forget about himself, but now, quietness was again a very important part of his life and he was glad he was able to get that part of him back.

They understood each other with looks as much as words. Speaking was not a vital part of their relationship. They would sit in silence while he read poetry and Anna mended or read a book herself, and he would be the happiest man alive. Their quietness was secure, strong, passionate.

They needn't words when they had each other's presence. And for the first time in his life he was truly happy.


	18. Revealing

She made tea that night and excused herself for a moment while he rested watching the fire in their living room.

After a while he thought something was wrong, she had been gone for quite some time already. He was worried.

Stepping to the edge of the stairs he called for her and she answered back by saying she was in the bedroom, waiting for him.

He climbed up the stairs with a grin in his face and when he entered the room she was nowhere to be found. Looking around, he stepped further in, and jumped when he heard the door behind him lock.

'I am here, Mr Bates,' she giggled before biting her lip seductively.

'I can see that.' he said staring at her from head to toe. 'Is that a new nightdress?'

'Oh this?' She tried to look unimpressed while touching the thin silky fabric. 'Yes, but…I'm not sure about it.'

He frowned for a moment. 'Well…it's quite revealing. Not very proper I must say.' He could see her naked body underneath it in detail. He thanked fashion gods for their thin silks that covered nothing but air.

'Yes, I thought the same but…I'm sure my husband won't mind.'

'I'm sure he won't. Actually…come here…' He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to him, touching the fabric himself, and playing with the lacy hem over her thighs. 'I think…I think he loves it.'


	19. Silken

To run his hands over her skin was the most amazing feeling he could have ever experienced.

He loved the softness of her cheeks and her neck and how pert her breasts fitted so perfectly in his big hands. The contrast between his skin to hers as their bodies moved together was enough to take him take him over the edge and he found it hard to believe how for so many years he was able to remain in control of his own desire.

He loved the sound of her voice in his ears as she whispered to him, and moaned and encouraged him. He loved how daring she was, how racy and wonderfully seductive she turned out to be. John could never had imagined that under that sweet innocent smile of hers hid such eager and temptress.

He lived to please her now, to make her happy and satisfied. So every time he kissed her silken thighs and moved his way up from her core to her breasts, as she pulled his hair and screamed in pleasure, he knew that he would never get tired of attending to her needs first, then his own.

After all he was only satisfied when she looked in his eyes with a tired but extremely happy smile on her face.


	20. Timid

The way he used to look at her, just glimpses really, sometimes she wondered if he was actually looking at her.

With time she learned how to read him, how to know what he was thinking about with just a glance at his expression.

To others he appeared serious, silent, in deep thought, but she always knew when he was moody, pleased or brooding. She saw him smile more than the others did, saw him laugh when no one was looking. She read him like a book, and with every blink and breath she knew what was going on on his mind.

His eyes started playing with her own. He became bolder, mischievous, happy. He dared to dream again, to smile when others were looking, to be joyful in public, until one day he held her hand after church and squeezed it gently with a timid smile playing on his features.

'I love you, Anna.'

Knowing she was the reason for this wonderful change made her the happiest woman alive.


	21. Ultimatum

He was left there, alone, taking in everything she had just said.

'We are going to marry.' she had told him before Jane called.

At first he was apprehensive, he even thought that maybe she had gone mad with all the obstacles that had been thrown at their love but when she explained him the reason why he could only see how right she was.

He wanted to say something. Tell her how much he loved her for being so strong and so fierce. For being there for him always.

He was left there, alone with his thoughts. Yes, he would marry her. He would marry her in that precise moment if he could.

After her ultimatum he knew that she was the only right in his life, and he would make her his wife no matter what would come next. At least she would be his, until his last day on Earth.


	22. Vows

_For richer and for poorer, for better and for worse._ He made a vow to her and he would keep it. Nothing would make him flinch. He would be by her side, no matter what. No matter how much time she needed, how much space she wanted. He would be strong for her.

She had always told him that their vows were like skin and body. Only death and dirt would dissolve them. She had always kept her vow. She had fought for him with her life and honour. Without her strength and persistence he would have hung. _Ashes to ashes, dust to dust._ He would be dirt now.

But he wasn't. He was alive, and still wrapped in his skin, and his body still functioning. He would support her no matter what.

This was a matter of honour. Honour to her, to their love, to their vows, and he would show her that she was not the only who could to be strong.

As he gently held her face between his hands, he told her how much he loved her, how holy she was to him, how proud he was of her. She was his wife and he would be by her side always.

In that moment she seemed smaller than he had ever seen

her, but he knew the strength she held inside. He knew his wife better than he knew himself. She was born with strength running through her veins and even though everything looked dark and cloudy, he knew the sun would rise once again, as it always did after a storm.


	23. Wept

As she wept on his chest, already tired from week after week of crying alone. He thought back to that night. That horrible night. A night that should have been filled with joy, happiness.

He remembered how he had apologised to her after yelling her name in front of everyone. She had accepted it with a smile on her face and later, before the concert, had told him he would make up for her that night. He didn't.

But when he saw her next, she was distant, and hurt. She said she had fallen and hit her head, but why would her not let him help. Why would she not let him hold her? Thinking back, he hadn't helped her, he hadn't protected from that monster. He had failed her.

'Love,' he said as her sobs subsided. 'Let's go home. Please. Come home with me.'

_I can protect you, I can dry your tears, I can hold you till the pain goes away._

'Tomorrow. I have all my things here…and it's late. I'll go tomorrow…now please, just hold me.'

He would hold her until the end of time if he could, but for now, a few minutes more were more than perfect.


	24. Xylophone

John had thought it was a good idea to buy the xylophone in the first place. When he saw it in storefront, he thought immediately that Emily would love it. The keys were all in different colours and the body of the instrument was wooden. Such a energetic baby like his daughter would love that, and then…he always wanted to have one when he was a child.

Anna had told him their girl was too young for such thing but he hadn't listened. He bought it anyway and when he arrived home he put it on the floor in front of their 8 month old baby girl.

'Look my darling! Look what daddy bought you!'

The girl glanced from the odd object to her father with a curious look and John proceeded to show her what to do.

'See, you hit this…here.' He said, causing Anna to giggle. A moment later Emily tried and it worked in the most grating way possible.

After a week John regretted it and Anna blamed him. But Emily loved it and she didn't want stop playing it for a second. She would play it even during meal times.

Drastic measures had to be taken and one night, while she was sleep, John hid the toy in the top of the wardrobe.

'She'll be crying for it in the morning. I've tried to hide it.' Anna sighed.

'Don't worry, love. I have a much better and silent toy for her.'

Next afternoon when he arrived home, Anna was trying to entertain little Emily with everything she could find, but nothing seemed to work. 'I told you she wouldn't forget it that easily.'

'Well…what about a wooden horse?!' He said showing them a little rocking horse that had belonged to Master George. 'Lady Mary asked me if we wanted it and I thought it would be a good substitute…until she's old enough to learn how to play properly.'

'But…she's too small to rock for her own.'

'Don't worry, I'll rock her.'

Both shared a smile as John put the horse in place and took Emily in his arms. 'Here now, let's see if you like this one.'

And she did! More than he thought she would even, and when he tried to rest and put her on the floor she cried and only stopped when her father was rocking the horse again.

'Well…Mr Bates…I think you should tell Lord Grantham you've found a better job to do.'

They both laughed and Anna knew that she would hate the horse as much as she hates the xylophone.


	25. Youthful

People would stare at him once again. They would whisper between each other, glance wide eyed. They took notice of him but this time it was for such different reason.

Before, they had look down at him and grimaced at his limp, after a time they got used to it and would avoid looking, but now, now he could see something else. Something new… they were jealous. Jealous of how youthful he looked.

As they walked hand in hand down through the village to buy some buttons for Anna to fix one of Lady Mary's dresses, he relished their stares. His chin was high and her hand was tight in his.

He felt as young as he looked, and happier than he had ever been.

Men were jealous because his wife was the most beautiful creature on the planet, and women because they could see the twinkle in Anna's eyes, and they knew what that was all about.

As they walked and talked about everything and nothing, John told her that, although they had only been living together for a week now, he knew they would be this happy for the rest of their lives. She smiled at him and stopped in her tracks to give him a kiss on his cheek. He leaned down to give her better access and whispered in her ear that he couldn't wait to get home, to be away from prying eyes, and the happiness and passion in her eyes was enough to make him fall in love with her all over again.

She made him young and happy, and he was her life.


	26. Zipper

With new fashions came new modernities and John…well, he was happy with most of them. But this time, something told him that maybe this would give him trouble, at least at first.

As he choose the trousers he wanted, he noticed that there were no buttons but a zipper. The salesman told him that it was easier and faster and men were preferring it now. John grimace. What on earth was wrong with buttons?

Anna told him in a whisper, that yes, indeed, it would be much easier to take them off with a wink of her eye, so John purchased them without saying another word. And when they got home she proceeded to prove that to him. But a week as John was getting ready to go to work, the zipper caught on his undershorts and there was nothing John could do to release the fabric.

'Anna!' he shouted from their room. 'Bloody trousers! Anna, I need your help!'

Anna came running from the bathroom with a concerned look on her face. 'Whatever is the matter?!'

'Well…look. It's stuck and I can't get it off.' He said in an exasperated voice, pulling at the zipper. 'What? Don't you laugh at this, I'm going to be late!'

'Oh John.' She laughed even more. 'Let me see…'

She kneeled on the floor and tried to see what she could do. 'Take them off. It'll be easier to fix.'

John had a shocked look on his face. 'I'd have to take my undershorts off too.'

'Well…I know. Come on. It's not like I've never seen you naked.'

John smiled then and took both of the items off. Once they were in her hands and John was naked from the down, she stood up and walked towards him, throwing the pants on the floor.

'Anna? What are doing?'

'Well, Mr Bates…' She said, with a racy look on her face. 'How can I resist you in such state of undress?'

'Anna!' John blushed. 'I'm going to wear something else.'

'Wait! We still have half an hour…'

John looked at the clock and she was right.

Later, when they left the cottage they were twenty minutes late for breakfast, John had to wear an old pair of trousers, and the new ones still laid on the bedroom floor, together with his undershorts, but neither of them could be more pleased with the whole situation.


End file.
